I am happy with my husband but sometimes I wake up because of my old love

10 years on, everything is still in my mind. Am I in love with my ex?

Me and he were in the same class in high school, and I was not impressed but see him gentle. When I was in college, I shared a house with my sister, he went to middle school and was 25 km away from me. I also don't remember why he used to come down to where I play, because when I was in my 2nd year, I knew he meant more than friendship but didn't say it. It's a long way, but if you go down 3 times a week, you must have an idea, I think I have no right to love anything because I still use my parents' money, money I have not earned so I don't allow myself to be loved. He did not say how to love I refused.

He came to me very happy, because of habit or whatever I do not know anymore. When he got out of school and went to work, studied at college and went back to college, I was still in the third year. Then he came a little and did not come anymore, I missed, missed, missed but didn't call for one. times. I feel that I call means needing people, reducing myself, being disregarded. Then I accidentally met him on the street after about half a year, he still smiled and greeted me, I smiled back as long as my friend did not meet. As for me, I remember when I went to school in the evening and had him waiting in the yard, remember talking. Every day on the way home from school, I would secretly expect him to wait in the yard, then I would be disappointed and sad.

One day I will miss it so I called him and I couldn't reach him. I felt the further away, the more sad and remembered. The next day I called again, heard the bell ring, unspeakably happy. He greeted me, I asked why long ago not to play, he said to come down this afternoon, I'm happy to shed tears. He drove me to the bar, with all the nostalgia, tears streaming down my cheeks, I said why don't you see me? He gave me a deep kiss on the cheek, the kiss I still remember now and for me is the first kiss, the most memorable in life. He said sorry, I burst into tears of sadness so long. He said he fell in a car, was hospitalized for a while, so he could not come down to visit me. I knew that he thought I didn't care about him, so he gave up.

He came as often as before but still didn't say love me, I still did. One day he was going to kiss but I deliberately pushed away. I said I was nothing to each other. He drove the car back. I tried to hold him back and kiss him but didn't do it. The next day, when the phone rang and opened it, my brother's name was happy, I spoke in a very normal voice, but the other end of the line was not the same voice I used to hear. He seriously said that from now on don't expect anything from him anymore, I could not say what he had hung up. I have not yet become accustomed to what I've just heard, since that day I have been waiting for him, I still don't see any calls or messages, and I don't see him drop by anymore.

Time passes, I graduate, listen to friends say he is getting married, my heart hurts, only I know it, everyone around me see me nothing else, only I know myself as collapsed. One day he texted me saying he was in the hospital. I visit him, his eyes are the same, I am sorry but never said. One day, he drove me to a familiar bar, accompanied by a wedding card, he invited me to attend his wedding. I smile really well, but my heart is in disarray. He said if he was in the hospital, I told him not to marry, he wouldn't marry the girl. Did I say that you're crazy? When I came back I thought I couldn't see him side by side with me, I would collapse.

I have a family, love my husband and children, my life is full, the story of the past was just a memory but sometimes I got angry. I fell in love with my ex right?